She thought…

In the middle of the days,
She thought she saw you shaking from the wind blowing,
Only to realize it’s not the coolness of the wind effecting you,
Instead it’s the coldness of the world itself.
In the darkness of the night,
She thought you blinking your eyes every two seconds to adjust your view,
Only later to find out,
darkness never your problem to deal with,
It’s the tears that are too stubborn to disappear.
And in the midst of everything,
She thought she lose you in the crowd,
Only to find you hiding in the corner.
Far away from everyone.
Too afraid to show yourself due to the cruelness of the people around.
But above all,
She thought you were strong enough to keep fighting.
Only to be proud later on.
Because she was right all along.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

Reciprocation of Love

She says I love you. And he replied with I love you ‘too’.
So that’s a start. Of an ‘us’ for them.
Everything is so right but yet it feels so wrong.
Like a normal couple, they have their ups and downs.
So she thought everything exactly how it’s supposed to be.
That’s why. She fights for him.
Each and every time.
He also fights. But instead FOR her, he fights WITH her.
Yet she still doesn’t realize the difference.
He treats her like sh*t. And she blamed herself.
For not being ‘good’ enough.
When in reality, she never has to be good.
Because she was enough.
If only, she was with her real ‘person’.
Instead, she been trapped in unrealistic love,
that being show by unrealistic man,
that doesn’t know the real meaning of love.
How can he? when the word ‘I love you’ that he claims is only another word of reciprocation.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

Sad truth of growing up

She used to be some quiet girl that loved and kept loving. Without a single drop of hatred.
Someone that found beauty in everyone and everything.
A girl so pure that she might as well think everyone else as pure as herself with no bad blood in their body.
Some girl that trusts without thinking. And accepting without judgment.
She used to be all of that. Maybe even more.
But somehow she’s gone.
As day turn into months, and months pass by, replacing by years,
She saw how this world truly functions.
The ugly truth that being consoled by her innocence all this year.
The sad reality of people in it.
So she makes a choice that she never thinks she needs to. Up until that moment.
She changes herself. To fit in.
Even though she doesn’t have to.
As she doesn’t need anyone’s validation to be ‘her’. Unfortunately, nobody told her that.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

Another ‘me’

I don’t think I care much about how people view me. Appearance wise. How can I?
What’s the point?
If I myself doesn’t see who I like to see in me. Inner wise.
Those people will only be another ‘me’ anyway.
They will see what I see everyday in the mirror.
They will only be another additional set of my eyes.
Eyes that saw every little flaw I have.
Eyes that search for imperfections to hide.
Eyes that hold judgment for being who I am.
So isn’t it useless? To worry about what they might think when they see me?

While other people’s opinions do matter sometimes, it means nothing if my own opinion about myself has been clouded by all the insecurities I’ve been fighting with. And still am.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

Miserable Life

Life is tough isn’t it?

Sometimes you can handle it just fine. Other times? Not so much.

Invited a lot of unwanted feelings and emotions.

Which makes you doubt what you are even doing.

Or worse, think that you have an unpleasant life that will never make you happy unlike others.

But do you know? That was never true.

Yes you might have a bad day every now and then. And yes you have to work harder to improve that and be the better version of yourself when that happens, but it doesn’t mean you have a miserable life. It just means what life is supposed to be.

Living life to the fullest doesn’t always have to be about all the big deal that happens to you, it can also be about embracing and appreciating all the smallest things that bring you joy.

If the smallest thing such as the thought of having coffee every morning makes you smile, or perhaps something like the sound of the rain can automatically soothe you, I definitely can guarantee you this ; you are already living a life you should be proud of.

Big moment was great when it came, but those small moments are what give life more meaning and make life worth living.

So please realize that. Your life never can be miserable. It is all about what you decide to think and believe. After all, our mind is a very powerful thing. It can either help you or destroy you. It’s all in your control. So choose wisely.

Sincerely me,

Az.Ra

Never a priority

Ever feel like you’re not good enough?
Like you don’t seem to get anything right.
And everything you did doesn’t really matter. Because at the end of the day, you will mess that up anyway.
So it keeps nagging you everytime.
Stuck like those little pieces of gum under your shoes which you are having difficulty getting rid of.
That’s probably because it really is. The self doubt I mean.
I think it will always stay with every one of us. Literally.
We obviously will never constantly feel that every second of the day. But it definitely will make an appearance every now and then.
So what I am about to say might be helpful.
If we only give our attention to those gums only when they are stuck and we try to get rid of them, who says we can’t do the same when we feel all of those things about ourselves?
If the ‘struggle’ of removing the gums is the ONLY thing that requires our attention, that means it’s never really a priority to us.
Likewise. If the self doubt only appear every now and then, and you only focus on it only at ‘that moment’, why you’re so worry there’s something wrong with you? It’s really nothing to worry about. That feeling will comes and go as it’s please either we like it or not, but don’t give them power to corrupt your mind. The only thing you need to worry about is HOW to avoid making them as your priority in life.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

Selfish

Selfish. Always viewed as a bad trait to have.

Question is,,

Is being selfish really unnecessary?

Honest speaking,
I don’t think so. Not entirely bad at least.
Certain things require you to be selfish.
If it involves your own life, sometimes you just need to.
You can’t always put everyone first then put your own self aside.
Who says their life matters more than your own?
So, you don’t really need to feel guilty if you are being selfish for your own good.
It doesn’t turn you into a bad guy.
To a certain extent it is still OK.
Just in certain things though.
Make sure you know where it starts and where it needs to end.

Remember. Everything has a limit.

But as long as it doesn’t really have any extreme affect for those around you, I say you’re good. No worries.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

Relax!!

You think you’re confident enough. However when time comes and you have to face your audience, you’re shaking.

You think you’re brave enough to face any challenges. But when what you fear the most comes knocking, you start to hide away.

You think you’re patient enough to keep waiting. However when one by one people pass by, you start questioning why it took so long.

You think you’re happy enough with all of your achievements. But when you see others become more successful, you create another goal to achieve.

You think you’re intelligent enough to solve any problem. However when some issues arise for you to handle, you can’t find any solution to fix it.

You know what?you overthink!!
So what you say if you just stop for a second and just live in the moment. Go with the flow and have faith that life will turn out the way it is supposed to be. Not the way you want it to be.

Let life do their magic. Nothing can go wrong in the hand of fate.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

What It’s Takes

Somehow..

It take us losing someone
That makes us realize the importance of loving dearly.

It take us giving up
That makes us realize the importance of fighting back.

It take someone betrayal
That makes us realize the importance of loyalty.

It take us hurting badly
That makes us realize the importance of healing slowly.

And somehow
It take us to experiences all of that bad thing
That makes us start to appreciate the goods even more.

Just because it’s bad. Doesn’t mean it’s useless.
So, stop hating or regret every bad thing that ever happens to you.
Only because they exist, that you can see the beauty of good things.
So being thankful for everything even it was unpleasant to be though.
It’s a lesson. Not some unfairness to make your life miserable.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

Does it?

Sometimes we hate ourselves for who we are. For who we became. Or for who we cannot be.
So what that said about us as a person for feeling that way?
Does that make us pathetic?
Or does that make us worthless?

No it doesn’t.

Feeling something negative or feeling anything at all. really. doesn’t make us anything. Feeling is just that. Only a feeling. It doesn’t define who we really are.
In fact sometimes it does make us better.
It teaches us how to love ourselves.
How to accept the fact that not everything is beyond our control.
Basically it makes us human.
So don’t beat yourself too hard.
You just being you. And that is not a weakness. In fact it’s a strength, because believe it or not there is only one you in this world.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra