She thought…

In the middle of the days,
She thought she saw you shaking from the wind blowing,
Only to realize it’s not the coolness of the wind effecting you,
Instead it’s the coldness of the world itself.
In the darkness of the night,
She thought you blinking your eyes every two seconds to adjust your view,
Only later to find out,
darkness never your problem to deal with,
It’s the tears that are too stubborn to disappear.
And in the midst of everything,
She thought she lose you in the crowd,
Only to find you hiding in the corner.
Far away from everyone.
Too afraid to show yourself due to the cruelness of the people around.
But above all,
She thought you were strong enough to keep fighting.
Only to be proud later on.
Because she was right all along.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

Sad truth of growing up

She used to be some quiet girl that loved and kept loving. Without a single drop of hatred.
Someone that found beauty in everyone and everything.
A girl so pure that she might as well think everyone else as pure as herself with no bad blood in their body.
Some girl that trusts without thinking. And accepting without judgment.
She used to be all of that. Maybe even more.
But somehow she’s gone.
As day turn into months, and months pass by, replacing by years,
She saw how this world truly functions.
The ugly truth that being consoled by her innocence all this year.
The sad reality of people in it.
So she makes a choice that she never thinks she needs to. Up until that moment.
She changes herself. To fit in.
Even though she doesn’t have to.
As she doesn’t need anyone’s validation to be ‘her’. Unfortunately, nobody told her that.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

Another ‘me’

I don’t think I care much about how people view me. Appearance wise. How can I?
What’s the point?
If I myself doesn’t see who I like to see in me. Inner wise.
Those people will only be another ‘me’ anyway.
They will see what I see everyday in the mirror.
They will only be another additional set of my eyes.
Eyes that saw every little flaw I have.
Eyes that search for imperfections to hide.
Eyes that hold judgment for being who I am.
So isn’t it useless? To worry about what they might think when they see me?

While other people’s opinions do matter sometimes, it means nothing if my own opinion about myself has been clouded by all the insecurities I’ve been fighting with. And still am.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

Miserable Life

Life is tough isn’t it?

Sometimes you can handle it just fine. Other times? Not so much.

Invited a lot of unwanted feelings and emotions.

Which makes you doubt what you are even doing.

Or worse, think that you have an unpleasant life that will never make you happy unlike others.

But do you know? That was never true.

Yes you might have a bad day every now and then. And yes you have to work harder to improve that and be the better version of yourself when that happens, but it doesn’t mean you have a miserable life. It just means what life is supposed to be.

Living life to the fullest doesn’t always have to be about all the big deal that happens to you, it can also be about embracing and appreciating all the smallest things that bring you joy.

If the smallest thing such as the thought of having coffee every morning makes you smile, or perhaps something like the sound of the rain can automatically soothe you, I definitely can guarantee you this ; you are already living a life you should be proud of.

Big moment was great when it came, but those small moments are what give life more meaning and make life worth living.

So please realize that. Your life never can be miserable. It is all about what you decide to think and believe. After all, our mind is a very powerful thing. It can either help you or destroy you. It’s all in your control. So choose wisely.

Sincerely me,

Az.Ra

Relax!!

You think you’re confident enough. However when time comes and you have to face your audience, you’re shaking.

You think you’re brave enough to face any challenges. But when what you fear the most comes knocking, you start to hide away.

You think you’re patient enough to keep waiting. However when one by one people pass by, you start questioning why it took so long.

You think you’re happy enough with all of your achievements. But when you see others become more successful, you create another goal to achieve.

You think you’re intelligent enough to solve any problem. However when some issues arise for you to handle, you can’t find any solution to fix it.

You know what?you overthink!!
So what you say if you just stop for a second and just live in the moment. Go with the flow and have faith that life will turn out the way it is supposed to be. Not the way you want it to be.

Let life do their magic. Nothing can go wrong in the hand of fate.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

What It’s Takes

Somehow..

It take us losing someone
That makes us realize the importance of loving dearly.

It take us giving up
That makes us realize the importance of fighting back.

It take someone betrayal
That makes us realize the importance of loyalty.

It take us hurting badly
That makes us realize the importance of healing slowly.

And somehow
It take us to experiences all of that bad thing
That makes us start to appreciate the goods even more.

Just because it’s bad. Doesn’t mean it’s useless.
So, stop hating or regret every bad thing that ever happens to you.
Only because they exist, that you can see the beauty of good things.
So being thankful for everything even it was unpleasant to be though.
It’s a lesson. Not some unfairness to make your life miserable.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

Moving Forward

They ask how to move on,
He says doing this. She says doing that.
What do I have to say?
Forgive yourself.
Wanna know the reason as to why you are stuck in the past?
No. Not because of ‘it hurting too much’ bullsh*t.
And definitely not because of ‘ I’m too weak to face all of this right now’ nonsense either.
Neither is the ‘ healing take time’ concept that everyone seems to believe.
You are.
The reason you seem so oblivious is you. Yourself.
Unknowingly, you are blaming yourself right?
Wondering what you did wrong to subject yourself to such a heartbreak.
Or maybe even thinking that your imperfections are the cause of all the disasters that happen to you in your life.
Guess what honey? You are completely wrong!! They ain’t.
Life happens. It’s completely out of anyone’s control. Change your plan as you might, if the universe has another plan set for you, even if you don’t like that plan, it’s still gonna happen.
So how about start forgiving yourself. Forgive your imperfections. Forgive yourself for not being able to be who you dream yourself to be. Forgive yourself for not being able to achieve everyone’s expectations of you.
Let go of all the self blaming. Let go of all the self doubt. Just let go. Whatever that is holding you up from moving forward, let it go. And you might be surprised how good that makes you feel.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

Family

What common in family;
Saying something awful to the parents?
‘It’s not a big deal. They understand’
Doing something hurtful to our family member?
‘They will be fine. No worries’
Start a fight over something dumb?
‘No need to apologize. They will forgive us anyway’
This is where our mindset about family messes up big time I tell you.
We thought as a family member, we can do as we pleased and they will always accept us no matter what. But we completely forgot that they are still human beings. With feeling and emotion.
Being a ‘family’ doesn’t give us a free pass to treat them to our heart’s content. It only gives us a free ticket to love them unconditionally.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

You Doing Great

It’s hard isn’t it?
To live in a society that is always prejudiced and judgmental.
To always be conscious every two seconds of what they have in store for you when you make a mistake.
To take all the bad words that are being spat out from their mouth.
To see the hate in their eyes for you when they think you are doing something wrong.
As if they have a right to criticize and judge us for who we used to be.
As if they’ve perfect and haven’t done anything wrong in their life.
As if they’ve much better than anyone else.
It’s hard isn’t it?
I know. But keep going.
The reasons you exist in this world are not to please them or to meet their expectations. You are still breathing until now, not because of them. They don’t even have any significance in your life if you think about it. So keep going. Don’t give them a chance to make a choice for you. As long as you know who you are. Who you want to be. Or what you’re doing. I will say you have already achieved more than what they wish for.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

Tomorrow’s still an Option

Maybe now you’re hurt. But nobody says tomorrow you won’t heal.

Maybe now you’re scared. But nobody says tomorrow you can’t be brave.

Maybe now you’re sad. But nobody says tomorrow you won’t find your happiness.

Maybe now you’re struggling. But nobody says tomorrow it can’t become much easier.

Maybe now you’re alone. But nobody says tomorrow someone won’t appear in your life.

And maybe now what you really need to do is believe that everything will be alright when the time is right.

After all, everything will be alright in the end. And if everything’s not alright, it’s not the end.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra