Sometime the hardest thing about grief is not how difficult to let go,
It’s how easy you can forget.
The face,
The voice,
The smile.
As time move forward.
Leaving in a blink of an eye.
And the only thing you can remember is
The memory.

Sincerely me,


Darkness. Most people hate it.
Scared even.
What not to be scared of, they ask.
After all, you can’t even see anything in the dark.
That’s what they said.
Perhaps in a way, they’re right.
But of course, as I am not most people,
I always prefer darkness over the bright daylight.
For no particular reason except for the fact that,
In the darkness, I’m not so alone.
Because my shadow will be there to keep me company.
True. I might fumble in the dark,
Which make it seem like such a inconvenience at time,
But the fact that the shadow never leaves when I’m struggling alone speaks volume.
Not to forget,
In the dark,
I can finally be whatever I want to be.
Without any judgment. Any insecurities. Any fear.
Because it hides it all.
From everything everyone else seem to hate,
To nothing I find to like.
So in a way, darkness can also be beauty in disguise.
For people like me.

Sincerely me,


She’s a 10, but…

Everyone thinks she’s a 10
but still, she keeps comparing herself to 9 other girls which are strangers to begin with.
It doesn’t help either when 8 of her friends are toxic and keep making jokes about her appearance every now and then.
So it’s not a surprise when she saw 7 guys coming her way, she kept her head down and hid behind the curtain of her long hair.
When in reality, 6 of them were amazed by the beauty that she held within.
And the saddest part is, when someone tells her she’s a 5 out of 5, she feels embarrassed.
Because she thought they were making a joke out of her.
And 4 the life of her, she cannot fathom anyone seeing her as anything rather than what her self doubt keeps telling her everyday at 3 a.m when she lay in the bed wide awake.
2 her, she will always be nothing and until the 1 that makes her feel like she’s somebody and treats her like she’s the center of their universe appears, she will keep struggling. fighting.
But as she’s a believer, she has faith that she can win every battle in the end. Even if that battle is with herself.

Sincerely me,

Present Imagination

This time around it feels heavy.

The thoughts of you suffocating me to no end.

Make my heart beat irregularly.

And my mind became quite a mess.

It’s not like you’re a catch to begin with.

That’s what my brain told me. And I knew it’s right.

But I guess my heart doesn’t even care to listen.

As time and time again you disappear in my life only to reappear in my mind.

Maybe now I don’t know yet, but for sure future me will know. 

How you not that important, 

as you are only a futile fairytale. Of my present imagination

Sincerely me,


The Irony

It’s gonna hit 5 am soon. But here I am. Wide awake.
Thinking about everything and nothing.
The void in my heart grows bigger as time passes by.
And the loneliness that I don’t acknowledge when the world is full of life makes me aware of its present, now that the world is sleeping and the quietness covers me like a blanket.
The question of whether someone out there cares enough has been on replay in my head. Like a broken television.
Mess with my thoughts. Mess with my worth.
Even so, I decided to let all the questions, the thoughts and the doubts rant free for now.
And hoping as I close my eyes and welcome the new day with a hug, I will find my comfort with the sunrise that will wake up.
Even when I know it is temporary and the cycle will repeat eventually the next day. The day after that. And the days to come.
The irony. Of being a human with feeling.
You just have to go with it as a reminder you’re alive still. As painful as it can get.

Sincerely me,

I realize

For the first time in a long time,
I realize that I don’t need you with me.
I just want you to be there for me whenever I need someone.

For the first time in my life,
I realize it’s never me that doesn’t want to let you go.
It’s just you who always decided to show up whenever I almost forget your existence in my life.

And for the first time since I know you,
I realize I don’t have to be better so that you can see me the way I want you to see me,

I just need to see my worth the way I deserve. Only then, I will be better. 
Not for you. But for myself and everyone that truly sees me before I even did.

So for the first and final time hopefully,
I decided I will live only for myself. No one else. And definitely not for you.
Because only then, I can find my peace in this cruel world.

I realize.

Sincerely me,

Never a priority

Ever feel like you’re not good enough? 
Like you don’t seem to get anything right. 
And everything you did doesn’t really matter. Because at the end of the day, you will mess that up anyway.
So it keeps nagging you everytime. 
Stuck like those little pieces of gum under your shoes which you are having difficulty getting rid of.
That’s probably because it really is. The self doubt I mean. 
I think it will always stay with every one of us. Literally.
We obviously will never constantly feel that every second of the day. But it definitely will make an appearance every now and then.
So what I am about to say might be helpful. 
If we only give our attention to those gums only when they are stuck and we try to get rid of them, who says we can’t do the same when we feel all of those things about ourselves? 
If the ‘struggle’ of removing the gums is the ONLY thing that requires our attention, that means it’s never really a priority to us. 
Likewise. If the self doubt only appear every now and then, and you only focus on it only at ‘that moment’, why you’re so worry there’s something wrong with you? It’s really nothing to worry about. That feeling will comes and go as it’s please either we like it or not, but don’t give them power to corrupt your mind. The only thing you need to worry about is  HOW to avoid making them as your priority in life. 

Sincerely me,


Selfish. Always viewed as a bad trait to have.

Question is,,

Is being selfish really unnecessary?

Honest speaking,
I don’t think so. Not entirely bad at least.
Certain things require you to be selfish.
If it involves your own life, sometimes you just need to.
You can’t always put everyone first then put your own self aside.
Who says their life matters more than your own?
So, you don’t really need to feel guilty if you are being selfish for your own good.
It doesn’t turn you into a bad guy.
To a certain extent it is still OK.
Just in certain things though.
Make sure you know where it starts and where it needs to end.

Remember. Everything has a limit.

But as long as it doesn’t really have any extreme affect for those around you, I say you’re good. No worries.

Sincerely me,


You think you’re confident enough. However when time comes and you have to face your audience, you’re shaking. 

You think you’re brave enough to face any challenges. But when what you fear the most comes knocking, you start to hide away.

You think you’re patient enough to keep waiting. However when one by one people pass by, you start questioning why it took so long. 

You think you’re happy enough with all of your achievements. But when you see others become more successful, you create another goal to achieve. 

You think you’re intelligent enough to solve any problem. However when some issues arise for you to handle, you can’t find any solution to fix it. 

You know what?you overthink!!
So what you say if you just stop for a second and just live in the moment. Go with the flow and have faith that life will turn out the way it is supposed to be. Not the way you want it to be.

Let life do their magic. Nothing can go wrong in the hand of fate. 

Sincerely me, 

What It’s Takes


It take us losing someone
That makes us realize the importance of loving dearly. 

It take us giving up
That makes us realize the importance of fighting back.

It take someone betrayal
That makes us realize the importance of loyalty. 

It take us hurting badly
That makes us realize the importance of healing slowly. 

And somehow
It take us to experiences all of that bad thing
That makes us start to appreciate the goods even more.

Just because it’s bad. Doesn’t mean it’s useless. 
So, stop hating or regret every bad thing that ever happens to you. 
Only because they exist, that you can see the beauty of good things. 
So being thankful for everything even it was unpleasant to be though.
It’s a lesson. Not some unfairness to make your life miserable. 

Sincerely me,