Under the moonlight,
Stood a girl in a ‘princess’ like dress.
Completely still as people keep their gaze on her.
So she started lowering her head in embarrassment.
While thinking to herself, ‘I know I don’t fit in no matter how I dress. How foolish I can be to think otherwise.’
And with that thought corrupting her head, she stays away from everyone in disappointment.
Little does she know,
Everyone looked in amazement.
Not in judgement.
Amazement on how brave she carries herself alone without so much effort.
Amazement on how breathtakingly shining she looks among the crowd even with all of her little flaws here and there.
And amazement on who she is as a person. As herself. No one else.
If only her head didn’t cloud with all of the invalidation she has towards herself.
She might see that she doesn’t need to ‘fit in’.
She just needs to only be ‘her’ more than anything else.
In the middle of the days,
She thought she saw you shaking from the wind blowing,
Only to realize it’s not the coolness of the wind effecting you,
Instead it’s the coldness of the world itself.
In the darkness of the night,
She thought you blinking your eyes every two seconds to adjust your view,
Only later to find out,
darkness never your problem to deal with,
It’s the tears that are too stubborn to disappear.
And in the midst of everything,
She thought she lose you in the crowd,
Only to find you hiding in the corner.
Far away from everyone.
Too afraid to show yourself due to the cruelness of the people around.
But above all,
She thought you were strong enough to keep fighting.
Only to be proud later on.
Because she was right all along.
She say I love you. And he replied with I love you ‘too’.
So that a start. Of an ‘us’ for them.
Everything so right but yet it’s feel so wrong.
Like a normal couple, they have their up and down.
So she thought everything exactly how it’s supposed to be.
That why. She fight for him.
Each and every time.
He also fight. But instead FOR her, he fight WITH her.
Yet she still doesn’t realize the difference.
He treats her like sh*t. And she blame herself.
For not being ‘good’ enough.
When in reality, she never have to be good.
Because she was enough.
If only, she been with her real ‘person’.
Instead, she been trapped in unrealistic love,
that being show by unrealistic man,
that doesn’t know the real meaning of love.
How can him? when the word ‘I love you’ that he claim is only another word of reciprocation.
She used to be some quiet girl that love and keep loving. Without a single drop of hatred.
Someone that found beauty in everyone and everything.
A girl soo pure that she might as well think everyone else as pure as herself with no bad blood in their body.
Some girl that trusting without thinking. And accepting without judgment.
She used to be all of that. Maybe even more.
But somehow she’s gone.
As day turn into months, and months pass by, replacing by years,
She saw how this world truly function.
The ugly truth that being console by her innocent all this year.
The sad reality of people in it.
So she make a choice that she never think she need to. Up until that moment.
She changes herself. To fit in.
Eventho she doesn’t have to.
As she doesn’t need anyone validation to be ‘her‘. Unfortunately, nobody tell her that.
I don’t think i care much about how people view me. Appearance wise. How can I?
What the point?
If I myself doesn’t see who I like to see in me. Inner wise.
Those people will only be another ‘me’ anyway.
They will see what i see everyday in the mirror.
They will only be another additional set of my eyes.
Eyes that saw every little flaws i have.
Eyes that searching for imperfections to hide.
Eyes that hold judgment for being who i am.
So isn’t it useless? To worry about what they might think when they see me?
While other people opinion did matter sometimes, it’s mean nothing if my own opinion about myself has been cloud by all the insecurities i been fighting with. N still am.
Life is tough isn’t it?
Sometime you can handle it just fine. Other time? Not so much.
Invited lot of unwanted feeling and emotion.
Which make you doubt what you even doing.
Or worse, think that you have unpleasant life that will never make you happy unlike others.
But do you know? That never true.
Yes you might having a bad day every now and then. And yes you have to work harder to improve that and be the better version of yourself when that happen, but it doesn’t mean you have a miserable life. It’s just mean, that what life supposed to be.
Living life to the fullest doesn’t always have to be about all the big deal that happen to you, it’s can also be about embracing and appreciate all the smallest things that brings you joys.
If the smallest thing such as the thought of having coffee every morning make you smile, or perhaps something like the sound of the rain can automatically soothing you, i definitely can guarantee you this ; you already living a life you should be proud of.
Big moment was great when it’s comes, but those small moment is what give life more meaning and make life worth living.
So please realize that. Your life never can be miserable. It all about what you decide to think and believe. After all our mind is a very powerful things. It can either help you or destroy you. It’s all in your control. So choose wisely.
You know how when we doing something but we fail and someone will tell us ‘it doesn’t matter, you can try again tomorrow’ right?
In that situation, it supposed to motivate us to never give up.
But do you think that mindset doesn’t have any negative impacts at all?
If you think so, you totally mistaken.
Here I tell you what. For certain people, that words up to no goods. Do you know why? Because they might take it as an excuse to slack off. To not doing the best they could. They will think ‘Oh, it’s ok. I can still do my best tomorrow’.
You get what I mean right?
True, tomorrow will always came either you like it or not. But do you know for sure that you still here to welcome it?
So here some advice. If you want to do something, do the best you could. That might be the only chance you have.
They ask how to move on,
He say doing this. She say doing that.
What I have to say?
Wanna know the reason as why you stuck in the past?
No. Not because of ‘it hurting too much’ bullsh*t.
And definitely not because of ‘ I’m too weak to face all of this right now’ nonsense either.
Neither are ‘ heeling take time’ concept that everyone seem to believe.
The reason you seems so oblivious of is you. Yourself.
Unknowingly, you blaming yourself right?
Wondering what you did wrong to subject yourself to such a heartbreak.
Or maybe even thinking that your imperfections is the cause of all the disaster that happen to you in your life.
Guess what honey? You completely wrong!! They ain’t.
Life happen. It’s completely out of anyone control. Change your plan as you might, if universe have another plan set for you, even if you don’t like that plan, it’s still gonna happen.
So how about start forgiving yourself. Forgive your imperfections. Forgive yourself for not being able to be who you dream yourself to be. Forgive yourself for not being able to achieve everyone expectations of you.
Let go all the self blaming. Let go of all the self doubt. Just let go. Whatever that holding you up from moving forward, let it go. And you might be surprised how good that make you feel.
They say love is joy.
They think love is happiness.
They told you love supposed to be beautiful.
But does it really?
Yes, true love is something beautiful to experiences. Something that precious to being through.
But it not always have to be.
When it hurting you, when it getting difficult,
Doesn’t meant it’s not real.
Because love itself is life.
So just like our life that not always beautiful and dandy, so do love.
Sometimes you getting hurt.
Others time you feel over the moon.
It supposed to.
That how you learn. That how you grow.
That how universe work. After all it not up to us to decide what happen next. Its out of human control.
So stop being afraid you might getting hurt because of it. Instead, start to embrace it while you can.
What common in family;
Saying something awful to the parents?
‘ It’s not a big deal. They understand ‘
Doing something hurtful to our family member?
‘ They will be fine. No worries ‘
Start a fight over something dumb?
‘ No need to apologize. They will forgive us anyway ‘
This is where our mindset about family mess up big time I tell you.
We thought as a family member, we can do as we pleased and they will always accept us no matter what. But we completely forgot that they still a human being. With feeling and emotion.
Being a ‘family’ doesn’t give us free pass to treat them as our heart content. It only give us free ticket to love them unconditionally.