Sometime the hardest thing about grief is not how difficult to let go,
It’s how easy you can forget.
The face,
The voice,
The smile.
As time move forward.
Leaving in a blink of an eye.
And the only thing you can remember is
The memory.
Sincerely me,
Az.Ra
Tag: Missing
Dear Consciousness
You know, I’m tired.
Tired of your bullshit.
Tired of feeling guilty every time I am selfish for my own good.
Tired of being mature for everyone’s sake.
Tired of being the ‘good girl’ everyone thought I am.
I’m really tired.
So can you just let me be selfish?
Without making me feel guilty?
Once in a while I want to be selfish.
I want to be immature and childish.
And I want to be the bad girl I know I am.
So can you please stop?
Stop putting me on a pedestal everytime.
Stop hurting me just to please everyone around.
Stop making me think it is my responsibility to make everyone happy.
I am not
Dear consciousness, I am not.
So please, let me be me without you looming around in the back of my mind every two seconds
Sincerely me,
Az. Ra
Ties also valid
The angels inside of me say I’ll be fine, as long as I stay calm.
But the anger inside of me boiling like a lavas ready to erupt and destroy everything around.
The angels inside of me say I need to hide my pain from the world, and I will actually be strong.
But the anger inside of me asked me to inflict my pain to the world and let them see how strong they’re to actually handle it themselves.
The angels inside of me say I have to play nice and they shall realize
But the anger inside of me requests to teach them a lesson and they shall be nice.
Hence, the angels and the anger are always in a battle. And I always let the angels win. So the anger is buried at the bottom. Growing with each unfairness I seem to allow. Until one day, it’s full and explodes.
Make known to me that, it’s ok for me at least to let them coexist. After all, between winning and losing, ties are also valid.
Sincerely me,
Az. Ra
Time of the year
It’s the time of the year again isn’t it?
The time of the year where it’s too windy and that becomes your excuse for the tears that seem to stay in the corner of your eyes.
The time of the year where it’s too cold and you claim that the reason you’re shaking.
The time of the year where the lights are not that bright and you say it’s too dark to get out of the bed.
But the thing is, you seem to forget that this time of the year doesn’t belong to you.
You also have been sharing it with others.
The struggle to keep the tears from spilling,
The struggle of making sure you stand strong even in the verge of breaking down,
And struggle to get out of the bed when what you really want to do is wrap up in your blanket and drown your sorrow away.
They feel it too, you know.
They feel it.
So you can stop using this time of the year as your excuse to hide what you truly feel.
Because you’re not alone. And you never will.
Sincerely me,
Az.Ra
The Aftermath #LosingThem
Losing a parent or anyone you truly love is miserable.
I wish nobody would go through that heartache.
But we have to be realistic.
Sooner or later it is going to happen to everyone.
It’s gonna happen to you. And it’s gonna happen to me. Again.
When that time comes around, i hope you know this.,
The heartache. The pain. It will never stop.
What they said about ‘time heals everything’ ‘you going to be okay’ n stuff is one big fat lie.
No. Time doesn’t heal everything. Time just provides temporary distraction.
And no. You are not going to be okay. You’re just going to be strong.
Some days, yes. you’re going to be alright. You don’t feel pain as much .
That’s because you tend to forget about them since you just used to live your life without them.
So if you don’t remember them for a certain amount of time, don’t feel guilty. That’s just how you learn to cope with the pain. By forgetting. It doesn’t mean they’re vanished from your heart or your love for them has disappeared for good, because I can assure you it doesn’t. True love always stay.
Other times, you will remember everything and the pain becomes unbearable to handle.
Also stop being regretful because you feel like you are not accepting your fate and move on. It’s not true. It has nothing to do with accepting reality, and everything to do with feeling and emotion. Which is not in our control all the time.
Whatever it is, I hope you know that even if everything doesn’t feel perfect without them anymore, at the end of the day, you are still gonna be alright because happiness still exists even in imperfection.
Sincerely me,
Az.Ra
Can’t be Replaced
I already used to live my life without you in it that I never think you’re gone.
For some reason my mind keeps thinking that you’re not here only at this moment. Not ‘forever’.
I messed up, didn’t I?
For foolishly thinking someday I will see you again.
Saying our last words for each other and stuff.
I probably am.
Sometimes I keep questioning myself.
Did I think like that to hide the pain of losing you or to hide the fact that I can’t accept my reality?
Maybe both?
Either way I don’t think my train of thought will change anytime soon.
Because as much as I wish I can let you go. I don’t think I can. Ever.
After all I only got ONE Father in my lifetime.
And no man can top my love for you. That for sure.
Sincerely me,
Az.Ra
Grateful Work Wonder
When you angry with your parent because they give you advice for your own good,
Somewhere in this world, someone that loses their parents wishes they still have one.
When you complain because your parent forget to bought your favourite food,
Somewhere in this world, someone has to fast all day because they don’t have food to eat at all.
When you think life don’t treat you fair just because you can’t get your dream car to show off unlike your friends,
Somewhere in this world, someone has to walk miles in the heat just to buy groceries.
And maybe when you stop counting what you don’t have and start appreciating what you already got, you will see how lucky you already are.
Sincerely me,
Az.Ra
Sincerely Me 