Days Like This..

Days like this, I don’t know what to think.
As my head is a mess and I don’t think I have any idea how to sort that out.
Days like this, I find it’s hard to keep myself grounded.
As my strength slips away and I find it’s difficult for me to carry the burden, all alone.
Days like this, make me questioning my worth.
As their opinion keeps getting louder. And slowly but surely, it’s slipping through the crack of my wall.
And days like this, I realize how truly human I am.
As the feelings always on repeat every now and then.
No matter how many times I overcome it.
So on days like this, I decided to allowed myself to breath. To feel. To being consumed by all of that feeling.
Without any guilt. Without any regret.
As I know, it will always come back to that.
The never ending process of growing.
Even when you already heal.
Because healing doesn’t mean you will stop growing.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

Beyond the surface

He’s a boy.
Who dreams to be a hero growing up.
‘It will be so cool’. He said.
Little does he know,
A hero is not a hero,
Without sacrifices.

She’s a girl.
That hate villain with passion.
‘How can someone be so evil?’. She wondered.
Little does she know,
A villain is not a villain,
Without suffering.

And they’re human.
Who saw what they wanted to see.
Say what they want to say.
And think about what they want to think.

Also they’re human.
Who seems to forget to see beyond the surface.
Who seems to be ignorant about the fact that everyone has a story to tell.
Who seems to need the reminder every now and then to open their heart and head to any possibility.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

Temporary

I ask you to be my lights. So you say you will.
You say you will be my sun and brighten up my morning everyday.
I know you didn’t lie. Because your sunshine did wake me up a little better,
But you forget to tell, you have a limited amount of time before the sun needs to set. And your light dimmer.

I ask you to be my rain. And you say of course you will.
You say you will be my rain. Continue cooling me down whenever the heat seems to burn me.
Of course you tell the truth. You cooled me down when the sun was blazing hot.
But you forget to tell, your time will come to an end eventually. Leaving me a beautiful rainbow as a replacement.

Then I ask you to stay. Forever.
As always. You say of course you will always stay with me.
But guess what? You forget to tell me. Again. Your stay didn’t mean to be forever. You will leave me eventually. After all, you have to leave this world at some point. Everyone will. Even myself.

So now, I stop asking you or anyone to be or do anything. Because I finally realized everything in this world is temporary. Nothing permanent. Since it’s beyond our control.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

I realize

For the first time in a long time,
I realize that I don’t need you with me.
I just want you to be there for me whenever I need someone.

For the first time in my life,
I realize it’s never me that doesn’t want to let you go.
It’s just you who always decided to show up whenever I almost forget your existence in my life.

And for the first time since I know you,
I realize I don’t have to be better so that you can see me the way I want you to see me,

I just need to see my worth the way I deserve. Only then, I will be better.
Not for you. But for myself and everyone that truly sees me before I even did.

So for the first and final time hopefully,
I decided I will live only for myself. No one else. And definitely not for you.
Because only then, I can find my peace in this cruel world.

I realize.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

She thought…

In the middle of the days,
She thought she saw you shaking from the wind blowing,
Only to realize it’s not the coolness of the wind effecting you,
Instead it’s the coldness of the world itself.
In the darkness of the night,
She thought you blinking your eyes every two seconds to adjust your view,
Only later to find out,
darkness never your problem to deal with,
It’s the tears that are too stubborn to disappear.
And in the midst of everything,
She thought she lose you in the crowd,
Only to find you hiding in the corner.
Far away from everyone.
Too afraid to show yourself due to the cruelness of the people around.
But above all,
She thought you were strong enough to keep fighting.
Only to be proud later on.
Because she was right all along.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

Another ‘me’

I don’t think I care much about how people view me. Appearance wise. How can I?
What’s the point?
If I myself doesn’t see who I like to see in me. Inner wise.
Those people will only be another ‘me’ anyway.
They will see what I see everyday in the mirror.
They will only be another additional set of my eyes.
Eyes that saw every little flaw I have.
Eyes that search for imperfections to hide.
Eyes that hold judgment for being who I am.
So isn’t it useless? To worry about what they might think when they see me?

While other people’s opinions do matter sometimes, it means nothing if my own opinion about myself has been clouded by all the insecurities I’ve been fighting with. And still am.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

Does it?

Sometimes we hate ourselves for who we are. For who we became. Or for who we cannot be.
So what that said about us as a person for feeling that way?
Does that make us pathetic?
Or does that make us worthless?

No it doesn’t.

Feeling something negative or feeling anything at all. really. doesn’t make us anything. Feeling is just that. Only a feeling. It doesn’t define who we really are.
In fact sometimes it does make us better.
It teaches us how to love ourselves.
How to accept the fact that not everything is beyond our control.
Basically it makes us human.
So don’t beat yourself too hard.
You just being you. And that is not a weakness. In fact it’s a strength, because believe it or not there is only one you in this world.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

Freedom of Speech

You share your opinion.
You ask about your curiosity.
You voice your thoughts.
And…

People disagree with your opinion.
People question your curiosity.
People object to your thoughts.
So…

You used “freedom of speech” as an excuse to justify yourself.
Unfortunately…

You forgot to realize that true freedom of speech is everyone’s right. But it doesn’t mean that your side of speech is always right.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

Be Real!!

Some people….

“Why do you like this stuff!” or “Why do you dislike that stuff?”
“Why are you eating this!” or “Why don’t you eat that?”
“Why are you wearing this!” or “Why don’t you wear that?”

Helloooo….

Do you think they were you or what?
You can’t expect people to like what you like and hate what you hate.
Get real here. They ain’t you. They’ve their own person. They can do whatever they want. No need to comment on it or point it out if what they did didn’t tickle your fancy.
N not everything you thought needs to be said aloud.
It might be hard enough for them to struggle with their own choice. They don’t need you to add more.
Stop being so full of yourself. Get over it.
We’re different for a reason.
Different doesn’t make us weird. Differences make us whole. You can’t expect to complete a puzzle with the same piece every time do you?

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

You Doing Great

It’s hard isn’t it?
To live in a society that is always prejudiced and judgmental.
To always be conscious every two seconds of what they have in store for you when you make a mistake.
To take all the bad words that are being spat out from their mouth.
To see the hate in their eyes for you when they think you are doing something wrong.
As if they have a right to criticize and judge us for who we used to be.
As if they’ve perfect and haven’t done anything wrong in their life.
As if they’ve much better than anyone else.
It’s hard isn’t it?
I know. But keep going.
The reasons you exist in this world are not to please them or to meet their expectations. You are still breathing until now, not because of them. They don’t even have any significance in your life if you think about it. So keep going. Don’t give them a chance to make a choice for you. As long as you know who you are. Who you want to be. Or what you’re doing. I will say you have already achieved more than what they wish for.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra