To the person I am today..

To the me I am today,
In the future you will see,
Who you truly are.
I know now it’s seem like you just another character in someone’s book,
Which might be true somehow,
But why you keep forgetting,
You have your own book too, you know.
And in that book of yours,
You’re the main character.
The leading lady. The star of the show. And so much more.
It’s true that the chapter might become longer as time pass by,
And perhaps not everyone decided to finish reading your book,
But you can’t deny, some of them also can love it too.
Enough to wait till the end.
Because for them,
You’re the inspiration that keeps them going.
The lesson they learn in advance.
The guide they need to be on the right path in the upcoming journey of their life.
So as for today,
With that knowledge,
Breath a little easier will you?
Future you will be proud of yourself.
So don’t worry, okay.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

The Irony

It’s gonna hit 5 am soon. But here I am. Wide awake.
Thinking about everything and nothing.
The void in my heart grows bigger as time passes by.
And the loneliness that I don’t acknowledge when the world is full of life makes me aware of its present, now that the world is sleeping and the quietness covers me like a blanket.
The question of whether someone out there cares enough has been on replay in my head. Like a broken television.
Mess with my thoughts. Mess with my worth.
Even so, I decided to let all the questions, the thoughts and the doubts rant free for now.
And hoping as I close my eyes and welcome the new day with a hug, I will find my comfort with the sunrise that will wake up.
Even when I know it is temporary and the cycle will repeat eventually the next day. The day after that. And the days to come.
The irony. Of being a human with feeling.
You just have to go with it as a reminder you’re alive still. As painful as it can get.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

Ties also valid

The angels inside of me say I’ll be fine, as long as I stay calm.
But the anger inside of me boiling like a lavas ready to erupt and destroy everything around.
The angels inside of me say I need to hide my pain from the world, and I will actually be strong.
But the anger inside of me asked me to inflict my pain to the world and let them see how strong they’re to actually handle it themselves.
The angels inside of me say I have to play nice and they shall realize
But the anger inside of me requests to teach them a lesson and they shall be nice.
Hence, the angels and the anger are always in a battle. And I always let the angels win. So the anger is buried at the bottom. Growing with each unfairness I seem to allow. Until one day, it’s full and explodes.
Make known to me that, it’s ok for me at least to let them coexist. After all, between winning and losing, ties are also valid.

Sincerely me,
Az. Ra

I realize

For the first time in a long time,
I realize that I don’t need you with me.
I just want you to be there for me whenever I need someone.

For the first time in my life,
I realize it’s never me that doesn’t want to let you go.
It’s just you who always decided to show up whenever I almost forget your existence in my life.

And for the first time since I know you,
I realize I don’t have to be better so that you can see me the way I want you to see me,

I just need to see my worth the way I deserve. Only then, I will be better.
Not for you. But for myself and everyone that truly sees me before I even did.

So for the first and final time hopefully,
I decided I will live only for myself. No one else. And definitely not for you.
Because only then, I can find my peace in this cruel world.

I realize.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

Sad truth of growing up

She used to be some quiet girl that loved and kept loving. Without a single drop of hatred.
Someone that found beauty in everyone and everything.
A girl so pure that she might as well think everyone else as pure as herself with no bad blood in their body.
Some girl that trusts without thinking. And accepting without judgment.
She used to be all of that. Maybe even more.
But somehow she’s gone.
As day turn into months, and months pass by, replacing by years,
She saw how this world truly functions.
The ugly truth that being consoled by her innocence all this year.
The sad reality of people in it.
So she makes a choice that she never thinks she needs to. Up until that moment.
She changes herself. To fit in.
Even though she doesn’t have to.
As she doesn’t need anyone’s validation to be ‘her’. Unfortunately, nobody told her that.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

Miserable Life

Life is tough isn’t it?

Sometimes you can handle it just fine. Other times? Not so much.

Invited a lot of unwanted feelings and emotions.

Which makes you doubt what you are even doing.

Or worse, think that you have an unpleasant life that will never make you happy unlike others.

But do you know? That was never true.

Yes you might have a bad day every now and then. And yes you have to work harder to improve that and be the better version of yourself when that happens, but it doesn’t mean you have a miserable life. It just means what life is supposed to be.

Living life to the fullest doesn’t always have to be about all the big deal that happens to you, it can also be about embracing and appreciating all the smallest things that bring you joy.

If the smallest thing such as the thought of having coffee every morning makes you smile, or perhaps something like the sound of the rain can automatically soothe you, I definitely can guarantee you this ; you are already living a life you should be proud of.

Big moment was great when it came, but those small moments are what give life more meaning and make life worth living.

So please realize that. Your life never can be miserable. It is all about what you decide to think and believe. After all, our mind is a very powerful thing. It can either help you or destroy you. It’s all in your control. So choose wisely.

Sincerely me,

Az.Ra

Does it?

Sometimes we hate ourselves for who we are. For who we became. Or for who we cannot be.
So what that said about us as a person for feeling that way?
Does that make us pathetic?
Or does that make us worthless?

No it doesn’t.

Feeling something negative or feeling anything at all. really. doesn’t make us anything. Feeling is just that. Only a feeling. It doesn’t define who we really are.
In fact sometimes it does make us better.
It teaches us how to love ourselves.
How to accept the fact that not everything is beyond our control.
Basically it makes us human.
So don’t beat yourself too hard.
You just being you. And that is not a weakness. In fact it’s a strength, because believe it or not there is only one you in this world.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

No it’s not OK

You know how when we do something but we fail and someone will tell us ‘it doesn’t matter, you can try again tomorrow’ right?
In that situation, it is supposed to motivate us to never give up.
But do you think that mindset doesn’t have any negative impacts at all?
If you think so, you are totally mistaken.
Here I tell you what. For certain people, those words are up to no good. Do you know why? Because they might take it as an excuse to slack off. To not do the best they could. They will think ‘Oh, it’s okay. I can still do my best tomorrow’.
You get what I mean right?
True, tomorrow will always come whether you like it or not. But do you know for sure that you are still here to welcome it?

So here is some advice. If you want to do something, do the best you can. That might be the only chance you have.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

Tomorrow’s still an Option

Maybe now you’re hurt. But nobody says tomorrow you won’t heal.

Maybe now you’re scared. But nobody says tomorrow you can’t be brave.

Maybe now you’re sad. But nobody says tomorrow you won’t find your happiness.

Maybe now you’re struggling. But nobody says tomorrow it can’t become much easier.

Maybe now you’re alone. But nobody says tomorrow someone won’t appear in your life.

And maybe now what you really need to do is believe that everything will be alright when the time is right.

After all, everything will be alright in the end. And if everything’s not alright, it’s not the end.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

Perfect?

We are all too caught up with the idea of perfection that we can’t see anything beyond that.

Everyone always says nothing is perfect.
We are quite aware of that.
But we all know deep down we still wish for that perfection.

Secretly, we all dream of having a perfect life.
We search for the perfect partner to get married with.
When we have our partner, we hope to have a perfect wedding.
And then we wait for perfect timing to do that.
Just like that the list goes on with everything our whole life.

It consumes us and when everything starts crashing down and doesn’t go ‘perfectly’ as we plan, we keep thinking that life sucks big time. When really it’s just you that decided to make it seem like it.

All this mindset about perfection shouldn’t exist at all. Everyone should know there is no such thing as perfect. The word itself doesn’t sound right.
Why not just replace it with the word right instead?

For example, instead of saying ‘I have a perfect wife’, why don’t you say ‘I have the right wife’.
It is much more meaningful when you put it that way.

Even if it is not ‘Perfect ‘, it is still ‘Right’. See what I am trying to say? Much better don’t you think?

Now I leave it to you to decide.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra