Somewhere between then and now,
Us laughing together turns into me smiling alone.
Somewhere between then and now,
The need to feel like I belong in the crowd turns to long for some peace and quiet.
Somewhere between then and now,
The sadness of being alone turns into a strength to be more independent.
And somewhere between then and now,
The hollow doesn’t feel so bad at all.
Because somewhere between then and now
I know I can grow even more now.
Sincerely me,
Az.Ra
Tag: Grateful
Just another day
Today just another day.
Of me feeling everything and nothing at the same time.
Past mistakes resurface.
Leaving me suffocating,
And breathing seems like something foreign.
Something out of my grasp.
Sometimes I wonder,
Does it always have to feel like this?
I know, and more than that,
I believe everything will work out in the end.
But somehow,
Right now,
I wish I don’t make that dumb mistakes. Ever.
But then, my logical mind, as nicely as it can told me ;
‘If you don’t, where is the lesson you need to learn’.
So with this heavy heart,
I whisper to myself,
‘Today just another day’.
And silently mature up to stay strong.
For tomorrow.
Sincerely me,
Az.Ra
To the person I am today..
To the me I am today,
In the future you will see,
Who you truly are.
I know now it’s seem like you just another character in someone’s book,
Which might be true somehow,
But why you keep forgetting,
You have your own book too, you know.
And in that book of yours,
You’re the main character.
The leading lady. The star of the show. And so much more.
It’s true that the chapter might become longer as time pass by,
And perhaps not everyone decided to finish reading your book,
But you can’t deny, some of them also can love it too.
Enough to wait till the end.
Because for them,
You’re the inspiration that keeps them going.
The lesson they learn in advance.
The guide they need to be on the right path in the upcoming journey of their life.
So as for today,
With that knowledge,
Breath a little easier will you?
Future you will be proud of yourself.
So don’t worry, okay.
Sincerely me,
Az.Ra
Simplicity of Love
Love. I used to think love is complicated. Messy. But who I am kidding.
It’s just one word and four letter to begin with.
Yes. It’s indeed that simple.
Perhaps all this time, I’m busy seeking love from the wrong one so it’s seem like love is something impossible.
But now that I found the right one, I came to see the simplicity and beauty of it.
From the proud smile that blooms in the corner of my mouth,
To the ‘yes I did it’ kind of happiness that resident in my heart,
And not to forget the ‘you did well’ words I told myself whenever I failed.
I finally knew, all of that is only the small amount of love I have been archiving all along.
Without me realizing it.
My only regret now is,
I just wish I found ‘me’ sooner.
So that I can acknowledge all the love I thought I will never have but already exists. Within me.
It’s always within me.
Sincerely me,
Az.Ra
Dear Consciousness
You know, I’m tired.
Tired of your bullshit.
Tired of feeling guilty every time I am selfish for my own good.
Tired of being mature for everyone’s sake.
Tired of being the ‘good girl’ everyone thought I am.
I’m really tired.
So can you just let me be selfish?
Without making me feel guilty?
Once in a while I want to be selfish.
I want to be immature and childish.
And I want to be the bad girl I know I am.
So can you please stop?
Stop putting me on a pedestal everytime.
Stop hurting me just to please everyone around.
Stop making me think it is my responsibility to make everyone happy.
I am not
Dear consciousness, I am not.
So please, let me be me without you looming around in the back of my mind every two seconds
Sincerely me,
Az. Ra
Ties also valid
The angels inside of me say I’ll be fine, as long as I stay calm.
But the anger inside of me boiling like a lavas ready to erupt and destroy everything around.
The angels inside of me say I need to hide my pain from the world, and I will actually be strong.
But the anger inside of me asked me to inflict my pain to the world and let them see how strong they’re to actually handle it themselves.
The angels inside of me say I have to play nice and they shall realize
But the anger inside of me requests to teach them a lesson and they shall be nice.
Hence, the angels and the anger are always in a battle. And I always let the angels win. So the anger is buried at the bottom. Growing with each unfairness I seem to allow. Until one day, it’s full and explodes.
Make known to me that, it’s ok for me at least to let them coexist. After all, between winning and losing, ties are also valid.
Sincerely me,
Az. Ra
Time of the year
It’s the time of the year again isn’t it?
The time of the year where it’s too windy and that becomes your excuse for the tears that seem to stay in the corner of your eyes.
The time of the year where it’s too cold and you claim that the reason you’re shaking.
The time of the year where the lights are not that bright and you say it’s too dark to get out of the bed.
But the thing is, you seem to forget that this time of the year doesn’t belong to you.
You also have been sharing it with others.
The struggle to keep the tears from spilling,
The struggle of making sure you stand strong even in the verge of breaking down,
And struggle to get out of the bed when what you really want to do is wrap up in your blanket and drown your sorrow away.
They feel it too, you know.
They feel it.
So you can stop using this time of the year as your excuse to hide what you truly feel.
Because you’re not alone. And you never will.
Sincerely me,
Az.Ra
Loneliness
For a long time, loneliness has been my best friend. Always there. Whenever and wherever.
Giving me company at 1 am when the world is sleeping, but my eyes refuse to take a rest.
Holding my hand when I’m around people, but doesn’t feel like I belong.
Hugging me each and every time I find myself lost among all of the insecurities I have.
And for that, I totally despise it.
The fact that it doesn’t know how to leave me alone, creates chaos in me.
Chaos which at that time, for me is irrelevant.
But somehow, one day it seems to leave me.
Unknowingly I feel weak.
I seem to rely on others more often than not.
I couldn’t carry myself without any help from others around me.
At that realization, I came to learn that sometimes what we view as unnecessary feelings for us, hold so much more significant purpose in our life than what we can even imagine.
So from that moment, I decided to embrace all the feelings inside me.
Because who knows what their purposes will be for us in the future.
Sincerely me,
Az.Ra
Days Like This..
Days like this, I don’t know what to think.
As my head is a mess and I don’t think I have any idea how to sort that out.
Days like this, I find it’s hard to keep myself grounded.
As my strength slips away and I find it’s difficult for me to carry the burden, all alone.
Days like this, make me questioning my worth.
As their opinion keeps getting louder. And slowly but surely, it’s slipping through the crack of my wall.
And days like this, I realize how truly human I am.
As the feelings always on repeat every now and then.
No matter how many times I overcome it.
So on days like this, I decided to allowed myself to breath. To feel. To being consumed by all of that feeling.
Without any guilt. Without any regret.
As I know, it will always come back to that.
The never ending process of growing.
Even when you already heal.
Because healing doesn’t mean you will stop growing.
Sincerely me,
Az.Ra
Temporary
I ask you to be my lights. So you say you will.
You say you will be my sun and brighten up my morning everyday.
I know you didn’t lie. Because your sunshine did wake me up a little better,
But you forget to tell, you have a limited amount of time before the sun needs to set. And your light dimmer.
I ask you to be my rain. And you say of course you will.
You say you will be my rain. Continue cooling me down whenever the heat seems to burn me.
Of course you tell the truth. You cooled me down when the sun was blazing hot.
But you forget to tell, your time will come to an end eventually. Leaving me a beautiful rainbow as a replacement.
Then I ask you to stay. Forever.
As always. You say of course you will always stay with me.
But guess what? You forget to tell me. Again. Your stay didn’t mean to be forever. You will leave me eventually. After all, you have to leave this world at some point. Everyone will. Even myself.
So now, I stop asking you or anyone to be or do anything. Because I finally realized everything in this world is temporary. Nothing permanent. Since it’s beyond our control.
Sincerely me,
Az.Ra
Sincerely Me 