Reciprocation of Love

She say I love you. And he replied with I love you ‘too’.
So that a start. Of an ‘us’ for them.
Everything so right but yet it’s feel so wrong.
Like a normal couple, they have their up and down.
So she thought everything exactly how it’s supposed to be.
That why. She fight for him.
Each and every time.
He also fight. But instead FOR her, he fight WITH her.
Yet she still doesn’t realize the difference.
He treats her like sh*t. And she blame herself.
For not being ‘good’ enough.
When in reality, she never have to be good.
Because she was enough.
If only, she been with her real ‘person’.
Instead, she been trapped in unrealistic love,
that being show by unrealistic man,
that doesn’t know the real meaning of love.
How can him? when the word ‘I love you’ that he claim is only another word of reciprocation.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

Sad truth of growing up

She used to be some quiet girl that love and keep loving. Without a single drop of hatred.
Someone that found beauty in everyone and everything.
A girl soo pure that she might as well think everyone else as pure as herself with no bad blood in their body.
Some girl that trusting without thinking. And accepting without judgment.
She used to be all of that. Maybe even more.
But somehow she’s gone.
As day turn into months, and months pass by, replacing by years,
She saw how this world truly function.
The ugly truth that being console by her innocent all this year.
The sad reality of people in it.
So she make a choice that she never think she need to. Up until that moment.
She changes herself. To fit in.
Eventho she doesn’t have to.
As she doesn’t need anyone validation to be ‘her‘. Unfortunately, nobody tell her that.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

Another ‘me’

I don’t think i care much about how people view me. Appearance wise. How can I?
What the point?
If I myself doesn’t see who I like to see in me. Inner wise.
Those people will only be another ‘me’ anyway.
They will see what i see everyday in the mirror.
They will only be another additional set of my eyes.
Eyes that saw every little flaws i have.
Eyes that searching for imperfections to hide.
Eyes that hold judgment for being who i am.
So isn’t it useless? To worry about what they might think when they see me?

While other people opinion did matter sometimes, it’s mean nothing if my own opinion about myself has been cloud by all the insecurities i been fighting with. N still am.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

Miserable Life

Life is tough isn’t it?
Sometime you can handle it just fine. Other time? Not so much.
Invited lot of unwanted feeling and emotion.
Which make you doubt what you even doing.
Or worse, think that you have unpleasant life that will never make you happy unlike others.
But do you know? That never true.
Yes you might having a bad day every now and then. And yes you have to work harder to improve that and be the better version of yourself when that happen, but it doesn’t mean you have a miserable life. It’s just mean, that what life supposed to be.
Living life to the fullest doesn’t always have to be about all the big deal that happen to you, it’s can also be about embracing and appreciate all the smallest things that brings you joys.
If the smallest thing such as the thought of having coffee every morning make you smile, or perhaps something like the sound of the rain can automatically soothing you, i definitely can guarantee you this ; you already living a life you should be proud of.
Big moment was great when it’s comes, but those small moment is what give life more meaning and make life worth living.
So please realize that. Your life never can be miserable. It all about what you decide to think and believe. After all our mind is a very powerful things. It can either help you or destroy you. It’s all in your control. So choose wisely.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

Never a priority

Ever feel like you’re not good enough?
Like you doesn’t seem to get anything right.
And everything you did doesn’t really matter. Because at the end of the day, you will mess that up anyway.
So it keep nagging you everytime.
Stuck like that little pieces of gums under your shoes which you having difficulty to get rid of.
That probably because it’s really is. The self doubt i mean.
I think it will always stay with every one of us. Literally.
We obviously will never constantly feel that every second of the day. But it definitely will make an appearance every now and then.
So what I about to say might be helpful.
If we only give our attention to that gums only when it stuck and we try to get rid of, who say we can’t do the same when we feel all of that things about ourselves?
If the ‘struggle’ of removing the gums is the ONLY thing that requires our attention, that mean it’s never really a priority to us.
Likewise. If the self doubt only appear every now and then, and you only focus on it only at ‘that moment’, why you’re soo worry there’s something wrong with you? It’s really nothing to worry about. That feeling will comes and go as it’s please either we like it or not, but don’t give them power to corrupt your mind. The only thing you need to worry about is  HOW to avoid making them as your priority in life.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

What It’s Takes

Somehow..
It take us losing someone
That make us realize the importance of loving dearly.
It take us giving up
That make us realize the importance of fighting back.
It take someone betrayal
That make us realize the importance of loyalty.
It take us hurting badly
That make us realize the importance of healing slowly.
And somehow
It take us to experiences all of that bad thing
That make us start appreciate the goods even more.
Just because it’s bad. Doesn’t mean it useless.
So, stop hating or regret every bad thing that ever happen to you.
Only because they’re exist, that you can see the beauty of good thing.
So being thankful for everything even it was unpleasant to being though.
It a lesson. Not some unfairness to make your life miserable.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

Self Conscious

Looking in the mirror,
Saw your own reflection,
And having a weird feeling about it.
It’s normal isn’t it? Or not? I think it is.
At certain point in life, I guess everyone will always found something they dislike about themselves.
It didn’t help either when people around them keep throwing a dirty look. Judging their appearance and stuff.
That why someone once say ‘the hardest thing to do is loving yourself’. True indeed.
But here a secret you need to know to make it easier ; You don’t need to feel self conscious about yourself. Especially not because of people. Wanna know why? Here I tell you. They also secretly struggle with themselves.
Some day they also hate how they look.
Other day they also try soo hard to look good for other.
It totally normal. Feeling self conscious is normal. Because You’re NORMAL.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

For Once I Wish…

They always asking me
“Are you okay”
I wish for once they ask ‘what’s wrong’ instead.

They keep saying
“You can do it”
For once I wish they say they will help instead.

They always telling me
“Never give up”
I wish for once they told me to take a rest instead.

They keep wondering
“What wrong with her”
For once I wish they wondering ‘why she acting like that’ instead.

For once. Just for once. Can you not? Interpret things just the way you saw it I mean. It nice sometimes to look beneath the surface and see what else you can found. Someone might need that from you.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

Does it?

Sometimes we hate ourselves for who we are. For who we became. Or for who we cannot be.
So what that said about us as a person for feeling that way?
Does that make us pathetic?
Or does that make us worthless?

No it doesn’t.

Feeling something negative or feeling anything at all. really. doesn’t make us anything. Feeling is just that. Only a feeling. It doesn’t define who we really are.
In fact sometimes it does make us better.
It teach us how to love ourselves.
How to accept the fact that not everything is beyond our control.
Basically it make us human.
So don’t beat yourself too hard.
You just being you. N that not a weakness. In fact it’s a strength, because believe it or not there only one you in this world.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

Moving Forward

They ask how to move on,
He say doing this. She say doing that.
What I have to say?
Forgive yourself.
Wanna know the reason as why you stuck in the past?
No. Not because of ‘it hurting too much’ bullsh*t.
And definitely not because of ‘ I’m too weak to face all of this right now’ nonsense either.
Neither are ‘ heeling take time’ concept that everyone seem to believe.
You are.
The reason you seems so oblivious of is you. Yourself.
Unknowingly, you blaming yourself right?
Wondering what you did wrong to subject yourself to such a heartbreak.
Or maybe even thinking that your imperfections is the cause of all the disaster that happen to you in your life.
Guess what honey? You completely wrong!! They ain’t.
Life happen. It’s completely out of anyone control. Change your plan as you might, if universe have another plan set for you, even if you don’t like that plan, it’s still gonna happen.
So how about start forgiving yourself. Forgive your imperfections. Forgive yourself for not being able to be who you dream yourself to be. Forgive yourself for not being able to achieve everyone expectations of you.
Let go all the self blaming. Let go of all the self doubt. Just let go. Whatever that holding you up from moving forward, let it go. And you might be surprised how good that make you feel.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra