Sometimes we hate ourselves for who we are. For who we became. Or for who we cannot be.
So what that said about us as a person for feeling that way?
Does that make us pathetic?
Or does that make us worthless?
No it doesn’t.
Feeling something negative or feeling anything at all. really. doesn’t make us anything. Feeling is just that. Only a feeling. It doesn’t define who we really are.
In fact sometimes it does make us better.
It teach us how to love ourselves.
How to accept the fact that not everything is beyond our control.
Basically it make us human.
So don’t beat yourself too hard.
You just being you. N that not a weakness. In fact it’s a strength, because believe it or not there only one you in this world.
You share your opinion.
You ask about your curiosity.
You voice your thought.
People disagree with your opinion.
People question your curiosity.
People object your thought.
You used “freedom of speech” as an excuse to justify yourself.
You forgot to realize that, it true freedom of speech is everyone right. But it doesn’t mean that your side of speech is always right.
They ask how to move on,
He say doing this. She say doing that.
What I have to say?
Wanna know the reason as why you stuck in the past?
No. Not because of ‘it hurting too much’ bullsh*t.
And definitely not because of ‘ I’m too weak to face all of this right now’ nonsense either.
Neither are ‘ heeling take time’ concept that everyone seem to believe.
The reason you seems so oblivious of is you. Yourself.
Unknowingly, you blaming yourself right?
Wondering what you did wrong to subject yourself to such a heartbreak.
Or maybe even thinking that your imperfections is the cause of all the disaster that happen to you in your life.
Guess what honey? You completely wrong!! They ain’t.
Life happen. It’s completely out of anyone control. Change your plan as you might, if universe have another plan set for you, even if you don’t like that plan, it’s still gonna happen.
So how about start forgiving yourself. Forgive your imperfections. Forgive yourself for not being able to be who you dream yourself to be. Forgive yourself for not being able to achieve everyone expectations of you.
Let go all the self blaming. Let go of all the self doubt. Just let go. Whatever that holding you up from moving forward, let it go. And you might be surprised how good that make you feel.
It hard isn’t it?
To live in society that always being prejudice and judgmental.
To always being conscious every two second of what they have in store for you when you make a mistakes.
To take all the bad words that being spat out from their mouth.
To saw the hate in their eyes for you when they think you doing something wrong.
As if they have a right to criticize and judging us for who we used to be.
As if they’ve perfect and haven’t done anything wrong in their life.
As if they’ve much more better than anyone else.
It’s hard isn’t it?
I know. But keep going.
The reasons you exist in this world not to pleased them or to meet their expectations. You still breathing until now not because of them. They doesn’t even have any significant in your life if you think about it. So keep going. Don’t give them a chance to make a choice for you. As long as you know who you are. Who you want to be. Or what you’re doing. I will say you already achieved more than what they wish for.
They were scared of expectation so they shut you down, but you thought they were running to get away from you.
They want their peacefulness by being alone someday, but you thought they were trying to ignore you.
They never express their feelings to begin with, but you thought they don’t feel anything .
They worried about moving forward in the bigger world, but you thought they were just comfortably stuck in the present.
They lost to their words, but you thought they didn’t have anything worth saying.
They got awkward sometimes, but you thought they were getting uncomfortable around you.
They act differently according to the person they are with, but you thought they were pretending to be someone else.
What you never really thought is what you see, hear and think sometimes not what really happening at all.
Because it will make make you blind from the truth.
We keep wondering how they can smile so big, we don’t seem to realize that was their way to hold themselves together from crying in sadness.
We keep wondering how they’re so confident in front of others, we don’t realize that they also hide their shaking hand behind their back when nobody saw.
We keep wondering how they can have so many friends in their life, we don’t seem to realize that only a few was the real one.
We keep wondering how they’re so successful in their career, we don’t realize that they also had to sacrifice their time with family just to compete tons of works.
We just keep wondering so we forgot the fact that everything in life come with prices. When you got some, you lose some.
You might miss the brightness of the sun during the rain, but you got to see the colourful rainbows after that instead.
Just because you don’t get what you wish doesn’t mean you won’t get what you meant to have.
When they say ‘stay strong’, doesn’t mean you’re weak.
When they say ‘be brave’, doesn’t mean you’re a coward.
When they say ‘stay happy’, doesn’t mean you’re depressed.
When they say ‘be nice’, doesn’t mean you’re a bad person.
Every meaning behind their word doesn’t matter. What really matter is how you decide to translate it for yourself.
You can see it as a bad thing and you will see yourself in negative light. Or you can view it in positive way possible and feel good about yourself.
It all in our hand. That what make life better. You’re the boss. Your life. Your choice.
Sometimes stop trying is not a bad things.
It good sometime to stop trying to care when they don’t even took their time long enough to appreciate it.
It also good to stop trying to make effort to spare their feeling when they don’t even spare a second to apologize for hurting you.
It also a good thing to stop trying to force a conversation that you clearly know one side when we all know relationship involved both sides to make it work.
N sometime it good to just stop trying for others and start trying for ourselves.