To the me I am today,
In the future you will see,
Who you truly are.
I know now it’s seem like you just another character in someone’s book,
Which might be true somehow,
But why you keep forgetting,
You have your own book too, you know.
And in that book of yours,
You’re the main character.
The leading lady. The star of the show. And so much more.
It’s true that the chapter might become longer as time pass by,
And perhaps not everyone decided to finish reading your book,
But you can’t deny, some of them also can love it too.
Enough to wait till the end.
Because for them,
You’re the inspiration that keeps them going.
The lesson they learn in advance.
The guide they need to be on the right path in the upcoming journey of their life.
So as for today,
With that knowledge,
Breath a little easier will you?
Future you will be proud of yourself.
So don’t worry, okay.
You know, I’m tired.
Tired of your bullshit.
Tired of feeling guilty every time I am selfish for my own good.
Tired of being mature for everyone’s sake.
Tired of being the ‘good girl’ everyone thought I am.
I’m really tired.
So can you just let me be selfish?
Without making me feel guilty?
Once in a while I want to be selfish.
I want to be immature and childish.
And I want to be the bad girl I know I am.
So can you please stop?
Stop putting me on a pedestal everytime.
Stop hurting me just to please everyone around.
Stop making me think it is my responsibility to make everyone happy.
I am not
Dear consciousness, I am not.
So please, let me be me without you looming around in the back of my mind every two seconds
The angels inside of me say I’ll be fine, as long as I stay calm.
But the anger inside of me boiling like a lavas ready to erupt and destroy everything around.
The angels inside of me say I need to hide my pain from the world, and I will actually be strong.
But the anger inside of me asked me to inflict my pain to the world and let them see how strong they’re to actually handle it themselves.
The angels inside of me say I have to play nice and they shall realize
But the anger inside of me requests to teach them a lesson and they shall be nice.
Hence, the angels and the anger are always in a battle. And I always let the angels win. So the anger is buried at the bottom. Growing with each unfairness I seem to allow. Until one day, it’s full and explodes.
Make known to me that, it’s ok for me at least to let them coexist. After all, between winning and losing, ties are also valid.
He’s a boy.
Who dreams to be a hero growing up.
‘It will be so cool’. He said.
Little does he know,
A hero is not a hero,
She’s a girl.
That hate villain with passion.
‘How can someone be so evil?’. She wondered.
Little does she know,
A villain is not a villain,
And they’re human.
Who saw what they wanted to see.
Say what they want to say.
And think about what they want to think.
Also they’re human.
Who seems to forget to see beyond the surface.
Who seems to be ignorant about the fact that everyone has a story to tell.
Who seems to need the reminder every now and then to open their heart and head to any possibility.
For the first time in a long time,
I realize that I don’t need you with me.
I just want you to be there for me whenever I need someone.
For the first time in my life,
I realize it’s never me that doesn’t want to let you go.
It’s just you who always decided to show up whenever I almost forget your existence in my life.
And for the first time since I know you,
I realize I don’t have to be better so that you can see me the way I want you to see me,
I just need to see my worth the way I deserve. Only then, I will be better.
Not for you. But for myself and everyone that truly sees me before I even did.
So for the first and final time hopefully,
I decided I will live only for myself. No one else. And definitely not for you.
Because only then, I can find my peace in this cruel world.
Under the moonlight,
Stood a girl in a ‘princess’ like dress.
Completely still as people keep their gaze on her.
So she started lowering her head in embarrassment.
While thinking to herself, ‘I know I don’t fit in no matter how I dress. How foolish I can be to think otherwise.’
And with that thought corrupting her head, she stays away from everyone in disappointment.
Little does she know,
Everyone looked in amazement.
Not in judgement.
Amazement on how brave she carries herself alone without so much effort.
Amazement on how breathtakingly shining she looks among the crowd even with all of her little flaws here and there.
And amazement on who she is as a person. As herself. No one else.
If only her head didn’t cloud with all of the invalidation she has towards herself.
She might see that she doesn’t need to ‘fit in’.
She just needs to only be ‘her’ more than anything else.
Sometimes we hate ourselves for who we are. For who we became. Or for who we cannot be.
So what that said about us as a person for feeling that way?
Does that make us pathetic?
Or does that make us worthless?
No it doesn’t.
Feeling something negative or feeling anything at all. really. doesn’t make us anything. Feeling is just that. Only a feeling. It doesn’t define who we really are.
In fact sometimes it does make us better.
It teaches us how to love ourselves.
How to accept the fact that not everything is beyond our control.
Basically it makes us human.
So don’t beat yourself too hard.
You just being you. And that is not a weakness. In fact it’s a strength, because believe it or not there is only one you in this world.
You share your opinion.
You ask about your curiosity.
You voice your thoughts.
People disagree with your opinion.
People question your curiosity.
People object to your thoughts.
You used “freedom of speech” as an excuse to justify yourself.
You forgot to realize that true freedom of speech is everyone’s right. But it doesn’t mean that your side of speech is always right.
They ask how to move on,
He says doing this. She says doing that.
What do I have to say?
Wanna know the reason as to why you are stuck in the past?
No. Not because of ‘it hurting too much’ bullsh*t.
And definitely not because of ‘ I’m too weak to face all of this right now’ nonsense either.
Neither is the ‘ healing take time’ concept that everyone seems to believe.
The reason you seem so oblivious is you. Yourself.
Unknowingly, you are blaming yourself right?
Wondering what you did wrong to subject yourself to such a heartbreak.
Or maybe even thinking that your imperfections are the cause of all the disasters that happen to you in your life.
Guess what honey? You are completely wrong!! They ain’t.
Life happens. It’s completely out of anyone’s control. Change your plan as you might, if the universe has another plan set for you, even if you don’t like that plan, it’s still gonna happen.
So how about start forgiving yourself. Forgive your imperfections. Forgive yourself for not being able to be who you dream yourself to be. Forgive yourself for not being able to achieve everyone’s expectations of you.
Let go of all the self blaming. Let go of all the self doubt. Just let go. Whatever that is holding you up from moving forward, let it go. And you might be surprised how good that makes you feel.
It’s hard isn’t it?
To live in a society that is always prejudiced and judgmental.
To always be conscious every two seconds of what they have in store for you when you make a mistake.
To take all the bad words that are being spat out from their mouth.
To see the hate in their eyes for you when they think you are doing something wrong.
As if they have a right to criticize and judge us for who we used to be.
As if they’ve perfect and haven’t done anything wrong in their life.
As if they’ve much better than anyone else.
It’s hard isn’t it?
I know. But keep going.
The reasons you exist in this world are not to please them or to meet their expectations. You are still breathing until now, not because of them. They don’t even have any significance in your life if you think about it. So keep going. Don’t give them a chance to make a choice for you. As long as you know who you are. Who you want to be. Or what you’re doing. I will say you have already achieved more than what they wish for.