The Warrior She Is

If someone asked me what I want to be,
I will say I don’t want to be anything.
I just want to be me.
The happy me that smiled until her cheek hurt.
The sad me that cries ugly tears.
The angry me shouting swear.
The messy me that makes a mess everywhere.
Just the true me really.
That accept myself without any fear.
Basically just the whole me that is not fully here now.
But I know she’s there.
On her way to me.
She just needs a little time.
So until then,
I will fight her battle.
Bravely.
Like the warrior she is.
While waiting for her to come home
To where she belongs.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

Destruction

It feels like a cage.
Or maybe a prison.
With nothing but myself as a company.
Which is a good thing.
Sometimes…
When I seek peace and quiet.
But then I realized,
Sometimes it’s become too much for a person to handle.
The thoughts that keep playing in the head.
As an entertainment.
Which also could lead to something bigger.
And as much as destruction is out of our control most of the times,
Self destruction is not my thing if I have a choice.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

Between then and now

Somewhere between then and now,
Us laughing together turns into me smiling alone.
Somewhere between then and now,
The need to feel like I belong in the crowd turns to long for some peace and quiet.
Somewhere between then and now,
The sadness of being alone turns into a strength to be more independent.
And somewhere between then and now,
The hollow doesn’t feel so bad at all.
Because somewhere between then and now
I know I can grow even more now.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

Grief

Sometime the hardest thing about grief is not how difficult to let go,
It’s how easy you can forget.
The face,
The voice,
The smile.
As time move forward.
Leaving in a blink of an eye.
And the only thing you can remember is
The memory.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

Darkness

Darkness. Most people hate it.
Scared even.
What not to be scared of, they ask.
After all, you can’t even see anything in the dark.
That’s what they said.
Perhaps in a way, they’re right.
But of course, as I am not most people,
I always prefer darkness over the bright daylight.
For no particular reason except for the fact that,
In the darkness, I’m not so alone.
Because my shadow will be there to keep me company.
True. I might fumble in the dark,
Which make it seem like such a inconvenience at time,
But the fact that the shadow never leaves when I’m struggling alone speaks volume.
Not to forget,
In the dark,
I can finally be whatever I want to be.
Without any judgment. Any insecurities. Any fear.
Because it hides it all.
From everything everyone else seem to hate,
To nothing I find to like.
So in a way, darkness can also be beauty in disguise.
For people like me.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

Invisible

In the room full of people,
Stood a girl in the corner.
Away from everyone.
As she wait for someone to notice her,
time tickles by. But nobody seemed to spare her a glance.
So she thought maybe she was too far away and that’s why.
Slowly, she creeps in among the sea of people.
But still, nobody sees her.
Too caught up in their own show to care about the world they live in. And people around it.
And as she stood there,
Being invisible to the everyone else but herself,
She decided to leave and abandon the need to fit in.
Because who wants to fit in in a world that is full of ignorant?
Definitely not her.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

Just another day

Today just another day.
Of me feeling everything and nothing at the same time.
Past mistakes resurface.
Leaving me suffocating,
And breathing seems like something foreign.
Something out of my grasp.
Sometimes I wonder,
Does it always have to feel like this?
I know, and more than that,
I believe everything will work out in the end.
But somehow,
Right now,
I wish I don’t make that dumb mistakes. Ever.
But then, my logical mind, as nicely as it can told me ;
‘If you don’t, where is the lesson you need to learn’.
So with this heavy heart,
I whisper to myself,
‘Today just another day’.
And silently mature up to stay strong.
For tomorrow.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

To the person I am today..

To the me I am today,
In the future you will see,
Who you truly are.
I know now it’s seem like you just another character in someone’s book,
Which might be true somehow,
But why you keep forgetting,
You have your own book too, you know.
And in that book of yours,
You’re the main character.
The leading lady. The star of the show. And so much more.
It’s true that the chapter might become longer as time pass by,
And perhaps not everyone decided to finish reading your book,
But you can’t deny, some of them also can love it too.
Enough to wait till the end.
Because for them,
You’re the inspiration that keeps them going.
The lesson they learn in advance.
The guide they need to be on the right path in the upcoming journey of their life.
So as for today,
With that knowledge,
Breath a little easier will you?
Future you will be proud of yourself.
So don’t worry, okay.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

She’s a 10, but…

Everyone thinks she’s a 10
but still, she keeps comparing herself to 9 other girls which are strangers to begin with.
It doesn’t help either when 8 of her friends are toxic and keep making jokes about her appearance every now and then.
So it’s not a surprise when she saw 7 guys coming her way, she kept her head down and hid behind the curtain of her long hair.
When in reality, 6 of them were amazed by the beauty that she held within.
And the saddest part is, when someone tells her she’s a 5 out of 5, she feels embarrassed.
Because she thought they were making a joke out of her.
And 4 the life of her, she cannot fathom anyone seeing her as anything rather than what her self doubt keeps telling her everyday at 3 a.m when she lay in the bed wide awake.
2 her, she will always be nothing and until the 1 that makes her feel like she’s somebody and treats her like she’s the center of their universe appears, she will keep struggling. fighting.
But as she’s a believer, she has faith that she can win every battle in the end. Even if that battle is with herself.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

Simplicity of Love

Love. I used to think love is complicated. Messy. But who I am kidding.
It’s just one word and four letter to begin with.
Yes. It’s indeed that simple.
Perhaps all this time, I’m busy seeking love from the wrong one so it’s seem like love is something impossible.
But now that I found the right one, I came to see the simplicity and beauty of it.
From the proud smile that blooms in the corner of my mouth,
To the ‘yes I did it’ kind of happiness that resident in my heart,
And not to forget the ‘you did well’ words I told myself whenever I failed.
I finally knew, all of that is only the small amount of love I have been archiving all along.
Without me realizing it.
My only regret now is,
I just wish I found ‘me’ sooner.
So that I can acknowledge all the love I thought I will never have but already exists. Within me.
It’s always within me.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra