‘Her’. More than anything else

Under the moonlight,
Stood a girl in a ‘princess’ like dress.
Completely still as people keep their gaze on her.
So she started lowering her head in embarrassment.
While thinking to herself, ‘I know I don’t fit in no matter how I dress. How foolish I can be to think otherwise.’
And with that thought corrupting her head, she stays away from everyone in disappointment.
Little does she know,
Everyone looked in amazement.
Not in judgement.
Amazement on how brave she carries herself alone without so much effort.
Amazement on how breathtakingly shining she looks among the crowd even with all of her little flaws here and there.
And amazement on who she is as a person. As herself. No one else.
If only her head didn’t cloud with all of the invalidation she has towards herself.
She might see that she doesn’t need to ‘fit in’.
She just needs to only be ‘her’ more than anything else.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

She thought…

In the middle of the days,
She thought she saw you shaking from the wind blowing,
Only to realize it’s not the coolness of the wind effecting you,
Instead it’s the coldness of the world itself.
In the darkness of the night,
She thought you blinking your eyes every two seconds to adjust your view,
Only later to find out,
darkness never your problem to deal with,
It’s the tears that are too stubborn to disappear.
And in the midst of everything,
She thought she lose you in the crowd,
Only to find you hiding in the corner.
Far away from everyone.
Too afraid to show yourself due to the cruelness of the people around.
But above all,
She thought you were strong enough to keep fighting.
Only to be proud later on.
Because she was right all along.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

Sad truth of growing up

She used to be some quiet girl that love and keep loving. Without a single drop of hatred.
Someone that found beauty in everyone and everything.
A girl soo pure that she might as well think everyone else as pure as herself with no bad blood in their body.
Some girl that trusting without thinking. And accepting without judgment.
She used to be all of that. Maybe even more.
But somehow she’s gone.
As day turn into months, and months pass by, replacing by years,
She saw how this world truly function.
The ugly truth that being console by her innocent all this year.
The sad reality of people in it.
So she make a choice that she never think she need to. Up until that moment.
She changes herself. To fit in.
Eventho she doesn’t have to.
As she doesn’t need anyone validation to be ‘her‘. Unfortunately, nobody tell her that.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

Another ‘me’

I don’t think i care much about how people view me. Appearance wise. How can I?
What the point?
If I myself doesn’t see who I like to see in me. Inner wise.
Those people will only be another ‘me’ anyway.
They will see what i see everyday in the mirror.
They will only be another additional set of my eyes.
Eyes that saw every little flaws i have.
Eyes that searching for imperfections to hide.
Eyes that hold judgment for being who i am.
So isn’t it useless? To worry about what they might think when they see me?

While other people opinion did matter sometimes, it’s mean nothing if my own opinion about myself has been cloud by all the insecurities i been fighting with. N still am.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

Miserable Life

Life is tough isn’t it?
Sometime you can handle it just fine. Other time? Not so much.
Invited lot of unwanted feeling and emotion.
Which make you doubt what you even doing.
Or worse, think that you have unpleasant life that will never make you happy unlike others.
But do you know? That never true.
Yes you might having a bad day every now and then. And yes you have to work harder to improve that and be the better version of yourself when that happen, but it doesn’t mean you have a miserable life. It’s just mean, that what life supposed to be.
Living life to the fullest doesn’t always have to be about all the big deal that happen to you, it’s can also be about embracing and appreciate all the smallest things that brings you joys.
If the smallest thing such as the thought of having coffee every morning make you smile, or perhaps something like the sound of the rain can automatically soothing you, i definitely can guarantee you this ; you already living a life you should be proud of.
Big moment was great when it’s comes, but those small moment is what give life more meaning and make life worth living.
So please realize that. Your life never can be miserable. It all about what you decide to think and believe. After all our mind is a very powerful things. It can either help you or destroy you. It’s all in your control. So choose wisely.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

Relax!!

You think you’re confident enough. However when time comes and you have to facing your audience, you’re shaking.

You think you’re brave enough to face any challenges. But when what you fear the most come knocking, you start to hide away.

You think you’re patient enough to keep waiting. However when one by one people passing by, you start questioning why it took so long.

You think you’re happy enough with all of your achievement. But when you see others become more successful, you create another goal to achieve.

You think you’re intelligent enough to solve any problem. However when some issues arises for you to handle, you’re can’t find any solution to fix it.

You know what?you over think!!
So what you say if you just stop for a second and just live in the moment. Go with the flow and have faith that life will turn out the way it supposed to be. Not the way you want it to be.

Let life do their magic. Nothing can go wrong with it in the hand of fate.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

What It’s Takes

Somehow..
It take us losing someone
That make us realize the importance of loving dearly.
It take us giving up
That make us realize the importance of fighting back.
It take someone betrayal
That make us realize the importance of loyalty.
It take us hurting badly
That make us realize the importance of healing slowly.
And somehow
It take us to experiences all of that bad thing
That make us start appreciate the goods even more.
Just because it’s bad. Doesn’t mean it useless.
So, stop hating or regret every bad thing that ever happen to you.
Only because they’re exist, that you can see the beauty of good thing.
So being thankful for everything even it was unpleasant to being though.
It a lesson. Not some unfairness to make your life miserable.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

Moving Forward

They ask how to move on,
He say doing this. She say doing that.
What I have to say?
Forgive yourself.
Wanna know the reason as why you stuck in the past?
No. Not because of ‘it hurting too much’ bullsh*t.
And definitely not because of ‘ I’m too weak to face all of this right now’ nonsense either.
Neither are ‘ heeling take time’ concept that everyone seem to believe.
You are.
The reason you seems so oblivious of is you. Yourself.
Unknowingly, you blaming yourself right?
Wondering what you did wrong to subject yourself to such a heartbreak.
Or maybe even thinking that your imperfections is the cause of all the disaster that happen to you in your life.
Guess what honey? You completely wrong!! They ain’t.
Life happen. It’s completely out of anyone control. Change your plan as you might, if universe have another plan set for you, even if you don’t like that plan, it’s still gonna happen.
So how about start forgiving yourself. Forgive your imperfections. Forgive yourself for not being able to be who you dream yourself to be. Forgive yourself for not being able to achieve everyone expectations of you.
Let go all the self blaming. Let go of all the self doubt. Just let go. Whatever that holding you up from moving forward, let it go. And you might be surprised how good that make you feel.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

Family

What common in family;
Saying something awful to the parents?
‘ It’s not a big deal. They understand ‘
Doing something hurtful to our family member?
‘ They will be fine. No worries ‘
Start a fight over something dumb?
‘ No need to apologize. They will forgive us anyway ‘
This is where our mindset about family mess up big time I tell you.
We thought as a family member, we can do as we pleased and they will always accept us no matter what. But we completely forgot  that they still a human being. With feeling and emotion.
Being a ‘family’ doesn’t give us free pass to treat them as our heart content. It only give us free ticket to love them unconditionally.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra

You Doing Great

It hard isn’t it?
To live in society that always being prejudice and judgmental.
To always being conscious every two second of what they have in store for you when you make a mistakes.
To take all the bad words that being spat out from their mouth.
To saw the hate in their eyes for you when they think you doing something wrong.
As if they have a right to criticize and judging us for who we used to be.
As if they’ve perfect and haven’t done anything wrong in their life.
As if they’ve much more better than anyone else.
It’s hard isn’t it?
I know. But keep going.
The reasons you exist in this world not to pleased them or to meet their expectations. You still breathing until now not because of them. They doesn’t even have any significant in your life if you think about it. So keep going. Don’t give them a chance to make a choice for you. As long as you know who you are. Who you want to be. Or what you’re doing. I will say you already achieved more than what they wish for.

Sincerely me,
Az.Ra